3 big reasons not to watch Alien: Covenant

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Alien: Covenant has gotten a lot of people excited. For me, it just blows my transaxles.

Some people are looking forward to Alien: Covenant. Not me. Ridley Scott has let me down too many times recently, and when you combine that with the atrocious Alien sequels since Aliens, it’s hard to get me to make the trip to the movies for yet another dismal, but just about watchable movie. I’m not going to watch Alien: Covenant after the long line of disappointments pointed out below.

1. Prometheus was like a B rated movie.

Every performance was totally inept compared to Michael Biehn and Sigourney Weaver. The successes in Alien and Aliens are just re-explored in different ways, simply creating a different environment with the same shock value. We’ve fucking seen it Ridley. You did it. Don’t show it to us again in a fucking worse way with a bigger budget and more expensive actors.

Prometheus was a disappointment, and sometimes bordered on being awkwardly funny. Not what you want in a horror movie. Source: 20th Century Fox

2. Alien 3 really messed things up with the franchise by killing Hicks and Newt.

This essentially made that “awesome 40 miles of bad road” (James Cameron quote) that the audience travelled down kicking and screaming in Aliens entirely redundant. The poor execution of the script, the script itself, the rationale behind the movie and the characters, including a less strong Ripley and the strange death at the end, was just an awful idea from the get go. Who the fuck signed it off to kill a series that could have kept going with a bit of originality. There were other worlds to explore over a low budget crappy prison movie.

Alien 3 had so much potential, then failed miserably. Was this scene symbolic? Great timing of the jump none the less. Source: 20th Century Fox.

3. Alien Resurrection was a little better, but only if you accepted it as an action movie with no style or substance from the start.

Some of Alien Resurrection was cool, and the characters had a bit more to them aided by Winona Ryder, Ron Perlman and Dominique Pinon. There was a little bit of chemistry, and it held your attention until the end when the baby xenomorph/alien thing came out to play and you had to leave the cinema shaking your head.

What is even going on here? You’ve ruined it. You were doing okay. Okay. Just. Fuck off. Source: 20th Century Fox

Just stop producing Alien movies, or at least explain The Space Jockey scene in Alien.

For my money, this is bound to be another travesty stamping all over my beloved memories of Alien and Aliens. The whole Space Jockey scene that left so much to the imagination still wasn’t explored in Prometheus, and the result instead was another race with no personality just intent on killing the humans around it. It just wasn’t clever and could have been so much more interesting.

Thoughts welcome, and this is coming from the heart. If you walk out of Alien Covenant and end up giving it a 6/10 then you’ll know where I am coming from. I hope you won’t be sucked into the intriguing trailers pumped out again.

Make it better Ridley.

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