Fictional holidays can be better than real holidays and are certainly better than the ones we’ve been making up recently.
Cinco de Cuatro (the best of fictional holidays) is here and I’m more excited than Lucille Bluth getting surprised by Gene Parmesan.
After calming down with lunch aka a dry martini, I thought to myself what other fictional holidays are worth celebrating?
As you get older, some holidays just get stale. Christmas and Easter are usually for kids, there’s only so much food you can stuff your face with at Thanksgiving and at 12:01 am New Year’s Day it’s usually bed time or a pretty sweet Twilight Zone binge.
While people are making up fake holidays like beer head foam appreciation day or National Nothing Day, let’s use the days already offered to us shall we? Namely these awesome fictional holidays.
1. Gossip Girl Day – January 26th
Spotted: An empty slot in the month of January for fictional holidays. Enter the snooty, upturned noses of spoiled Upper-East-Side brats and I’ve found a loophole. In 2016, then New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg declared January 26th Gossip Girl day to celebrate its 100th episode.
I was recently held captive by my fiancee and couldn’t escape the clutches of daily Gossip Girl binges. Turns out the show is actually a pretty decent soap opera.
So put on your best Blair Waldorf impressions or act like ‘bass-holes’ next January 26th. Maybe we haven’t celebrated it enough, actually. Could be the reason Blake Lively has gone M.I.A.
So get to it boys and girls. If not, the Gossip Girl blog, which arguably spawned the likes of TMZ and Buzzfeed, will have embarrassing info released about you by the end of the day.
XOXO, gossip guy.
2. Galentine’s Day – February 13th
We have the loveable and affable Leslie Knope to thank for this gem. She created this lady-centric day to honour all her female friends ahead of Valentine’s Day. What a sweetheart!
Parks and Recreation left a comedy void still unfilled, but thankfully also left us a whole day to remember them by. (Two if you count Treat Yo Self Day – Oct. 13th, but you can technically enjoy that whenever you want. Treat yo self!).
To celebrate properly, grab a stack of waffles with whipped cream, sugar and your nearest nurse named Ann to exchange gifts with!
3. Gondorian New Year – March 25th
Gondorian New Year is simply the day Frodo hurled the one ring into Mount Doom and never looked back. For this one you should put on your finest hobbit garbs and celebrate the fact that we can expect a BILLION dollar series of Lord of The Rings from Amazon soon.
4. 1984 Day – April 4th
“For whom, it suddenly occurred to him to wonder, was he writing this diary? For the future, for the unborn… How could you communicate with the future? It was of its nature impossible. Either the future would resemble the present, in which case it would not listen to him: or it would be different from it, and his predicament would be meaningless.” – George Orwell, 1984
Same, George. Same. April 4th was the day Winston Smith started writing in his diary in George Orwell’s 1984. Why include this day here? Is it to bring awareness to this book? But if you’re already aware, does it makes sense? Maybe we should ask Alexa if she remembers soon. Yup that’s some Black Mirror Big Brother ish for ya. We should all just celebrate this day for Winston Smith’s sake shall we?
5. ¡Cinco de Cuatro! – May 4th
In an attempt to get their Hispanic staff members to work on Cinco de Mayo, George and Lucille Bluth create Cinco de Cuatro (five of four) which spectacularly backfires when it is eventually embraced by the Newport Community.
You can embrace it by making your own boat parade aka festival of lights with your favourite flavoured banana from the banana stand. Or watch Mitchell Hurwitz’s Arrested Development remixed season 4 where Cinco de Cuatro originated.
He recently admitted he may have made a huge mistake by centring on each member of the Bluth family in Season Four instead of using the tried and true formula that worked for AD in the previous seasons. Let’s hope he doesn’t blue himself this time.
May 4th is also Star Wars day (followed by Revenge of the fifth the next day) as well as the day the Battle of New York happened in 2012’s Avengers movie.
You’re allowed to include these in your festivities if you like but only in order: Cinco, cuatro, tres, dos, flor.
6. Ferris Bueller Day – June 5th